Successful Communication in Midst of Conflict

Successful Communication in Midst of Conflict

Story: I knew a very feminine Jewish girl in Hollywood. She detailed how she was dumped by her boyfriend for what she described as “no reason,” but I would describe it as a perfectly good reason. There are times when men completely lose it, or lose patience with you because you and he are so out of line communication wise.

Here is this experience that got this girl dumped:

Let’s say her name is Jeanie and his name is Biff.

Biff relents, “Jeanie, let’s just agree to disagree.”

Jeanie agrees, “Yeah, agree to disagree.”

There are a couple beats of silence and then she says, “Maybe it would be good to get out. Get some food?”

Biff replies, “Yeah, where do you want to eat?”

Jeanie states, “wherever you want to eat is fine.”

They get into Biff’s car. He starts driving down the nearest boulevard.  He pulls over in front of a Brazilian restaurant.

“You want to eat here?” Jeanie asks.

“Yeah,” Biff confirms.

“Have you ever been?” Jeanie questions.

“No.” Biff replies clicking the button to unlock the doors.

“Wait…let me check them out on Yelp,” Jeanie says pulling out her iphone.

“What?” Biff says in annoyance.

“We don’t even know if this is a good restaurant. Let’s at least see their reviews.” Jeanie says navigating to the Yelp app without even looking up.

Female / Male Thinking –

Male – one track mind (focus, simple)

Female – maintain multiple ideas and priorities at once (sophisticated, inefficient)

Male – compartmentalize

Female – integrated thinking

General Approach in Disagreement/Analysis

Man – cold logic

Woman – warm emotion

What strategies can you use to improve conflict communication with a man:

1) Listen and confirm understanding of the issue.

2) Stay laser focused on the immediate issue or topic.

3) Speak straight forward, do not use language that makes him guess. Be clear with your wants, desires, needs and intentions.